I, Nicolas Forrey Jorgensen (INFJ)

     The Myers-Briggs Personality Test is a very impressive indicator to who you are. I was incredibly doubtful at first, but once I read the personality profile, I was amazed at how perfectly it described me. I am an INFJ, "The Counselor". (Yes, those also just so happen to be my initials.) This stands for Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging. (the opposite personality of mine would be ESTP, Extroverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving)

     Here is the (condensed) profile of an INFJ.

INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding of themselves and others. Using their intuitive skills, they develop a clear and confident vision, which they then set out to execute, aiming to better the lives of others. Like their INTJ counterparts, INFJs regard problems as opportunities to design and implement creative solutions.

INFJs have been mistaken for extroverts, as they tend to possess multiple personalities due to their complex inner life; however, they are true introverts. INFJs are private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Though they are very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner.

INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life that they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types; however, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal it (except to their closest companions). INFJs may "silently withdraw as a way of setting limits" rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behavior that may leave others confused and upset.

INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately, deeply woven, mysterious, highly complex, and often puzzling, even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they can understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired, yet they may also do well in the sciences, aided by their intuition.

     If you know me well enough, you should realize that you pretty much just read a profile written directly about me. In case you aren't familiar with these personality types, here's a little interesting fact. Less than 1% of the world's population is considered INFJ. There really aren't a lot of famous INFJs either. I can name 2 off of the top of my head. Hitler and Oprah. That just goes to show how incredibly vast this personality can be.

     Look again at the first sentence of the second paragraph. Trust me, that explains more than you even know.

     I do have a few INFJ friends. And I have the most amazing conversations with them. Because we actually understand each other. Sadly, I've been losing a lot of connections, so I don't have much of that anymore.

     INFJs also have a signature "stare". I noticed it once I heard about it. We tend to just focus 100% on somebody that we are truly interested in. We learn to understand how others' minds work and we can (in a way) read them. Figure out the inner workings. And while we do, we stare. A lot. You might notice that about me now. Don't judge.

     In regards to my previous post when I talked about being lonely.

     Sorry, it's not the best picture, but I've had that on my computer for so long and it just makes too much sense for me not to share it. I am often lonely, and I don't always feel like it's because of a physical presence. Sometimes I'm just in the need of some mental stimulation. A good conversation. I do feel out of place, very often in fact. And my biggest fear is losing somebody that I love. That little green rectangle explains my life. Seriously. 

     There's also the way that we think. Here is a chart showing how all personality types think. 

     So, if you notice, it says that I think with "Introverted Intuition". Obviously, it's the first two factors of an INFJ. Anyway, what this means is that I notice patterns, I have a feeling for consequences both good and bad, and I tend to understand the more abstract things. If you know your personality type, check out your cognitive function here. Go Down to "Functions". You'll see it. 

     By now, I wouldn't be surprised if you were bored and wanted me to finish. Oh fine.

     Just remember that through all of this, I'm still "The Counselor". So I'm always here for you guys. 

     Overall, it's so confusing being an INFJ. But it's just who I am. I'll talk more about it some other time. Have a great afternoon. 

*(Here's a little something fun if you know your personality type.)*

Sorry...it's small print.

A Friend to the End

     I have a lot of friends. I'm not bragging or anything, just stating the facts. I always do my best to smile, have fun conversations and make others feel good. So generally, I've made a lot of friends. Most of these friends have been from school and church. Now I'm getting to the point where I'm making friends from Institute and work as well. As time goes on, certain friends take up a larger part of your life. Sometimes, it seems like every single friend wants to spend time with you. And of course, that means just the opposite can happen as well.

     Right now, it seems like nobody wants to spend time with me. Now, I know that isn't true. Everybody is busy though. Most of my best friends aren't even in Boise anymore. They're off at college, foreign exchange, on missions, off to better things. So that makes me feel as if I can't do anything.

     I've been working, though, so that's always helpful. When I keep busy, I can distract myself. It's just all of the hours I sit at home doing chores over and over again, writing, watching movies...it all seems so pointless. Like I should be spending my time with other people instead of by myself.

     When I see people that have those really close lifelong friends, I'm so jealous. It feels stupid to say, but it's incredibly true. I've always wanted a good friend that I spend most of my time with just because we love to have a great time together.

     Kind of a change of subject, but it goes along with it. I've considered searching for a councilor. Any kind of councilor. Somebody to just help me out. I'm definitely not in the healthiest state of mind. And I think a lot of this is because I spend so much time alone, and I screw with my head by overthinking everything. And I honestly can't help it.

     I'm going to separate this into another post. The next one will explain my INFJ personality type.

The Gateway Post

     Not many people really know this about me, but I have a very short temper. Really, it's quite short. If you had to rank my temper on a scale using only military and political leaders, it might stand an inch or two below Napoleon Bonaparte.

     All joking aside, this is one thing I am really not proud of. When something happens against my liking, my fuse is lit. And with it being so short, it takes almost no time for me to explode. But (being an INFJ, and that will be explained in further detail some day) usually it's an inward explosion. I do my best not to be that guy that just makes a huge deal out of nothing. The guy everyone hates because he takes everything to heart, and not in a good way. Occasionally, though, I burst. I HATE myself when this happens. I get violent, I scream, I say horrible things, my heart beats wildly...it isn't a good experience. And that's what I would like to address.

     When I throw these idiotic tantrums, it's only with my family. I honestly do love them, but that's when my temper is shortest. I really don't know why. I've never connected 100% with my parents. There are lots of factors that could go into this. Many of which I couldn't even name. Maybe I don't connect with them because we share almost nothing in common? Maybe it's because I like to do things on my own? Maybe it's just because I'm adopted? I don't know. Either way, I really just don't connect with them. And because of this, I break away from my TRUE INFJ self and get angry. It really isn't my best quality.

     Wow, I'm revealing a lot in this one. Phew. The whole adoption thing I'll write about later. That one could take a good 2 or 3 hours for me to write. As for the connecting with parents, I'll expand on that later too.

     Tempers. I've just always sucked at keeping mine. And I can't stand other people's. The tiniest things will bother me, as well. Maybe I'll have had a bad day and then at dinner my mom will say something like, "Nic, you look down. Do you want to talk about it?" And I'll just snap and run to my room before I do anything stupid. I hate it so much. And a lot of this goes into depression and self-hate.

     Sorry, I think this is kind of a gateway post. I'm just opening up to a lot of things so I can talk about them when I feel like I really need to. Hopefully the randomness of this didn't put you off or anything.

     *On a positive note* I'm currently sitting in the Boise Institute building. It's a truly wonderful place where I can just relax and forget about the world. I love Institute so much. I might even say it has kind of saved me in many ways. Ellie, Rusty, Robin, Gage, Rachel, Owen, Rhen, Jillian, Heather, Jessica...I'm forgetting so many people. But I just love them all. Once again...I'll expand later.

     I hope you enjoyed my gateway post to the many wonderful upcoming posts of mine. As you can see, many of those will be, well, sad. But hey, nothing's perfect (And this blog is already much happier than I expected it to be.) Thanks for reading, everyone. I keep writing for YOU. So keep checking it out. I love you guys. Have a lovely night.