Not many people really know this about me, but I have a very short temper. Really, it's quite short. If you had to rank my temper on a scale using only military and political leaders, it might stand an inch or two below Napoleon Bonaparte.
All joking aside, this is one thing I am really not proud of. When something happens against my liking, my fuse is lit. And with it being so short, it takes almost no time for me to explode. But (being an INFJ, and that will be explained in further detail some day) usually it's an inward explosion. I do my best not to be that guy that just makes a huge deal out of nothing. The guy everyone hates because he takes everything to heart, and not in a good way. Occasionally, though, I burst. I HATE myself when this happens. I get violent, I scream, I say horrible things, my heart beats wildly...it isn't a good experience. And that's what I would like to address.
When I throw these idiotic tantrums, it's only with my family. I honestly do love them, but that's when my temper is shortest. I really don't know why. I've never connected 100% with my parents. There are lots of factors that could go into this. Many of which I couldn't even name. Maybe I don't connect with them because we share almost nothing in common? Maybe it's because I like to do things on my own? Maybe it's just because I'm adopted? I don't know. Either way, I really just don't connect with them. And because of this, I break away from my TRUE INFJ self and get angry. It really isn't my best quality.
Wow, I'm revealing a lot in this one. Phew. The whole adoption thing I'll write about later. That one could take a good 2 or 3 hours for me to write. As for the connecting with parents, I'll expand on that later too.
Tempers. I've just always sucked at keeping mine. And I can't stand other people's. The tiniest things will bother me, as well. Maybe I'll have had a bad day and then at dinner my mom will say something like, "Nic, you look down. Do you want to talk about it?" And I'll just snap and run to my room before I do anything stupid. I hate it so much. And a lot of this goes into depression and self-hate.
Sorry, I think this is kind of a gateway post. I'm just opening up to a lot of things so I can talk about them when I feel like I really need to. Hopefully the randomness of this didn't put you off or anything.
*On a positive note* I'm currently sitting in the Boise Institute building. It's a truly wonderful place where I can just relax and forget about the world. I love Institute so much. I might even say it has kind of saved me in many ways. Ellie, Rusty, Robin, Gage, Rachel, Owen, Rhen, Jillian, Heather, Jessica...I'm forgetting so many people. But I just love them all. Once again...I'll expand later.
I hope you enjoyed my gateway post to the many wonderful upcoming posts of mine. As you can see, many of those will be, well, sad. But hey, nothing's perfect (And this blog is already much happier than I expected it to be.) Thanks for reading, everyone. I keep writing for YOU. So keep checking it out. I love you guys. Have a lovely night.
No comments:
Post a Comment