A Friend to the End

     I have a lot of friends. I'm not bragging or anything, just stating the facts. I always do my best to smile, have fun conversations and make others feel good. So generally, I've made a lot of friends. Most of these friends have been from school and church. Now I'm getting to the point where I'm making friends from Institute and work as well. As time goes on, certain friends take up a larger part of your life. Sometimes, it seems like every single friend wants to spend time with you. And of course, that means just the opposite can happen as well.

     Right now, it seems like nobody wants to spend time with me. Now, I know that isn't true. Everybody is busy though. Most of my best friends aren't even in Boise anymore. They're off at college, foreign exchange, on missions, off to better things. So that makes me feel as if I can't do anything.

     I've been working, though, so that's always helpful. When I keep busy, I can distract myself. It's just all of the hours I sit at home doing chores over and over again, writing, watching movies...it all seems so pointless. Like I should be spending my time with other people instead of by myself.

     When I see people that have those really close lifelong friends, I'm so jealous. It feels stupid to say, but it's incredibly true. I've always wanted a good friend that I spend most of my time with just because we love to have a great time together.

     Kind of a change of subject, but it goes along with it. I've considered searching for a councilor. Any kind of councilor. Somebody to just help me out. I'm definitely not in the healthiest state of mind. And I think a lot of this is because I spend so much time alone, and I screw with my head by overthinking everything. And I honestly can't help it.

     I'm going to separate this into another post. The next one will explain my INFJ personality type.